"Everybody talkin bout pistols, gats are boring...

...he came with a new topic to flip you, vats of urine" - DANGERDOOM

The evolution of subject matter MC's rap about has been an interesting one. Early on, they would use any phrase or utterance to keep the party going and support the DJ. Melle Mel swore that people did not want to hear about the things that were going on in their neighborhoods before he penned the classic, The Message. Braggadocio and sucker MC's is tried and true. Basically the rage of topics covered in songs can be a little short, so I want to do a series of posts of songs that have atypical topics.

This first post is about an MC who is no stranger to off beat subject matter.

Kookies, by MF Doom is a joint from the MM...Food album. Most the albums content, and titles are food themed. On this particular song he uses the food metaphor to describe a lovely evening of masturbation.

He begins by humbly admitting that despite having a formidable reputation for for sexual prowess, he has to resort to self-manipulation

"One lonely evening alone home
End up with carpal tunnel syndrome
Here I am known for giving heavy back aches
Grown, and living off of little Debbie snack cakes"

Next, he like millions of other male internet users, becomes tempted by the constant lure of online pornography-by far the biggest industry on the internet. Lots of spam presents itself as being free only later found to have cost associated with the service...i have been told..by people who know these kinds of things.

"Supposed to be checking e-mails
All I got is messages from ass naked females
(Kookies)
...I don't know no jenny, she said its free and I wont owe her a penny
...And that's the last time I saw her but thousands of more horrors and on-line Gomorrah
And Sodom
They got 'em with they curls out
And they got a better sales pitch than the girl scouts
I wonder what I owe her
For a whole box of caramel coconut samoa"

Moments later his girl goes to bed, but he is worried she may wake and get caught..

"(Nite-nite)
Ok honey sweet dreams now it gets very serious like Peak Freans A metal hand filled squish it on the quilt
Misses wakes up and I'm killed over spilled milk"

Later he talks about the variety of types of girls that he hopes he end up with on the screen, Black, Blonde, and a Read head..

"hope one his peoples could hook him with a tri-pack
That's three different flavors
Chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry wafers"

Per usual, listen AND read....

One lonely evening alone home

End up with carpal tunnel syndrome

Here I am known for giving heavy back aches

Grown, and living off of little Debbie snack cakes

Supposed to be checking e-mails

All I got is messages from ass naked females

(Kookies)

I don't know no jenny, she said its free and I wont owe her a penny

And that's the last time I saw her but thousands of more horrors and on-line Gomorrah

And Sodom

They got 'em with they curls out

And they got a better sales pitch than the girl scouts

I wonder what I owe her

For a whole box of caramel coconut samoa

(Nite-nite)

Ok honey sweet dreams

now it gets very serious like Peak Freans

A metal hand filled squish it on the quilt

Misses wakes up and I'm killed over spilled milk

Locked in

Looking at your picture

Fully clothed winter and I right there wit cha

Thinking about the last time I split your wishbone

A man could only wish you could do the same till he get home

Fat chance

At least he got snacks

But that'll have to due till a brother get back

Till then, smack one eyed jack

I hope one his peoples could hook him with a tri-pack

That's three different flavors

Chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry wafers

He acting all hard bout to get beat up

I'll show him what time it is once I get this sheet up

As soon as he fell off his beat down all I hear is

(Thirteenth cell put the sheet down)

Damn C.O.

What the hell do she know

Besides the fact that she wants her back dug out on the d-low

A workaholic with a fountain in the ink pen

House in the mountains and he stop drinking again

In the wee hours he's gotten farther

Maybe three showers getting hot and bothered

The wiz with her legs bent pregnant

God bless the dick she wondered where her egg went

He got to hell but it's hard to drink with out it

And could use some kookies but trying not to think about it

Watchin BET on Jazz from knowledge on file

Every other commercial, college hoes gone wild

Soft batch he prefer the other bunch like they got for lunch

Chocolate fudge butter crunch

Don't mess with the ritz bitz, wheat thins, saltine Triskits

Mottso's and cheeseitz

Catch sugar fits every time he sees a nice pair of

Chips ahoy double chocolate chunk

Something with the bubble and the junk in the trunk

Even the Oreo

No matter what the weather

Always kept dipped in milk and stuck together

In the game he's shameless even uses a code name Famous Amos

Cheaper than a short stay at the day's inn and good like 25 cent oatmeal raisin

Give it up to who invented the camera

Never mind the ginger bread men and the grandma's

Make sure she don't wake from her dream

Killer get caught with a hand full of cream filled

Kookies

It might seem ill